In the last blog post, we discussed how parents can effectively deal with others’ judgments about their parenting arrangement or parenting style after divorce. However, your reactions – and your approach – may be very different if such judgment comes from your co-parent.
A comment here and there may be easy enough for you to address, but it could escalate quickly. Suddenly you face a constant wave of negative, condescending comments in every interaction with your co-parent. What should you do?
4 ways to manage a judgmental co-parent
When dealing with this situation, there can be quite a bit of overlap with the strategies you employ when handling other judgmental family members. After all, the ability to communicate effectively is essential in a co-parenting arrangement. Have an honest conversation with your co-parent. You both should be able to share parenting concerns with each other. Even so, dealing with general concerns is a very different matter than dealing with one parent’s consistent criticism.
If their judgment continues, it can cultivate stress for your whole family. Your kids might feel it too. In these cases, it will be beneficial to:
- Refer to your parenting plan, every time: Adhere to the terms of your North Carolina parenting plan. As long as you are doing so, your co-parent’s criticisms and judgments may not carry much weight, at least in the legal realm. Additionally, you may have included steps for how to handle conflict in your parenting plan as well. Follow these steps and continue being the best parent you can be.
- Ensure your children do not overhear them: Everyone may be entitled to their opinions. However, your children should not have to hear your co-parent’s criticisms of you or your parenting. Make sure your co-parent brings any concerns straight to you, and does not speak negatively about you in front of your children. If you suspect they might be badmouthing you to the children, it will help to keep a record of these instances.
- Evaluate the current parenting arrangement: Since you continued to get along fairly well after the divorce, perhaps you both determined co-parenting was the best arrangement for your family. If your child’s other parent is stirring up conflict and this arrangement is no longer working, you can consider other options. Parallel parenting might be a path forward, for example.
- Refocus on the kids: No matter what, your children remain the priority. Even if your co-parent is criticizing you, make sure you stay focused on what really matters: protecting your children’s best interests.
Judgmental family members are one thing. A co-parent’s judgments that impact you, your children and your parenting time are a whole different issue, but you have options to move forward with confidence in your solo-parenting journey after divorce.