It is the moment you are dreading the most: informing your children that you will be getting a divorce. You know this conversation has to happen, but when exactly should you tell them?
There may not be a “right” time to talk to them. What divorcing parents can do, however, is determine what needs to happen before and after this conversation occurs, to help them find a time that works best – and reduce the stress of this moment.
Before you tell them
What needs to happen before you tell the kids? To help determine when this conversation should occur, you and your spouse should make sure you:
- Are certain of your decision: As Mayo Clinic suggests, you should only tell your children when you are sure, without a doubt, that divorce is the path you will take. It is your instinct to protect your children, so you would naturally want to wait to tell them about this decision until you are positive this is the best option for your family’s future, but it is critical to note.
- Have a plan in place: A divorce will bring change for everyone in your family. However, your children will look to you for guidance. They will have questions and worries that arise once you inform them about the divorce. You do not have to have all the answers – but you should know what you will do next. Even if you feel as uncertain as your children do, you can help manage their worries when you know what to expect and understand the process of divorce in North Carolina.
Once you address these details, you may be ready to inform the kids. However, you must factor in what happens after this conversation ends.
After you tell them
Considering the aftermath of this conversation can also help you arrange the time for when you will tell the kids. After all, it will be critical to ensure everyone has time to properly process this conversation.
You do not want to tell the kids right before you bring them to soccer practice. It also would not be ideal to have this conversation the night before you have a big presentation at work. Choose a day that will provide the whole family enough time to have a comprehensive conversation, address follow-up questions and support each other. You may not want to “spoil” a calm weekend, but a few quiet days with no other obligations scheduled may be just what your family needs to hold space for this conversation.
Making sure you and your spouse are prepared and planning for what your family needs after this tough conversation will be the key to help you choose the proper time to tell the kids, and put your family’s next chapter in motion.