Even if you and your child’s other parent are no longer together, you all are still a family. However, as you may have discovered during your marriage, people – even loved ones – outside of that immediate family may have many loud opinions about how you parent.
These opinions might only get louder when you begin your co-parenting journey. Dealing with judgment is never easy in any circumstance. When you are new to co-parenting, unsolicited opinions, advice and judgment can feel like almost too much to handle.
How can you address these situations with your family?
Your family members may mean well. They may be trying to help, but their intention is not always the same as the perception. When faced with judgment or unwanted opinions about your parenting style or your parenting arrangement after divorce, there are ways you can address these situations effectively.
- In the moment: Stay calm. Employ strategies on how to respond to judgment, and try not to take what they say to heart. Most of all, be confident in yourself and your parenting skills. Even if solo parenting is new to you, parenting is not.
- In the long run: While you can set boundaries in the moment, you can also proactively establish boundaries with your loved ones. After the first instance, sit down with your loved ones and have an honest conversation. It can help to use “I” statements, such as, “I would love your support when it comes to X, but I would appreciate it if you let me handle Y.” It can be a challenge to enforce these boundaries with loved ones, especially opinionated loved ones. Consistency is key. Make your boundaries clear, and then hold them.
The most important step in both the short term and the long term is to continue putting your children first. Remember: your parenting and custody agreements are between you and your ex-spouse. The agreements’ goal, as well as yours, is to do what is best for your child. That is what matters most.
Now, judgment on your parenting from your co-parent is another matter altogether. We will discuss how to handle this in the next blog post.