Sharing child custody inevitably means you will have to navigate custody exchanges. In some cases, these exchanges may be a source of stress, especially if you have a high-conflict co-parent.
You do not have to dread these exchanges. There are strategies to help you handle exchanges efficiently and effectively.
Remember the 4 P’s
To combat the stress before, during and after the custody exchange, consider these guidelines:
- Preparation: As discussed in this past blog post, preparing yourself and your child for the custody exchange is one of the best ways to help you handle a tense situation. That not only means planning ahead for the transition or hiccups in the schedule, but also preparing yourself mentally to handle the exchange.
- Purpose: A co-parent looking for conflict may try to draw out the interaction. However, custody exchanges are very simple. The purpose is to make sure your child safely goes from your care to your co-parent’s. You do not have to engage in further interaction with your co-parent. Remember your purpose, and stay focused on keeping the situation calm and focused on your child.
- Partnership: If interactions with your ex-spouse are stressful, even if they are minimal, consider bringing someone along with you for the custody exchange. Do not underestimate the effect of a third party. With a family member or trusted friend by your side, it can help to reduce the tension. However, it is important to note that if custody exchanges get too conflict-ridden, a neutral third party may be necessary. You may have to reevaluate your North Carolina parenting agreement to either require a neutral third party be present or even conduct the exchange. After all, your children are always the priority. Eliminating parental conflict and tension, even in a short interaction, is often in your children’s best interests.
- Peace: Make a plan for yourself to help wind down after custody exchanges. You may need a bit of recovery time. Doing something that relieves your stress and helps you find peace can also help you transition into your off-parenting time, when you have the house to yourself.
In one way or another, custody exchanges will become a regular part of your life. Crafting a routine for transitions and always concentrating on what is best for your kids will help you find calm even in the tension.