Every child goes through the phase of asking, “Why?” in response to everything they learn. This is only natural as they acquaint themselves with the world.
However, in the event of a parent’s divorce, this question might not be a welcome one. In a past blog post, we discussed why North Carolina parents should not inform their children about the specific reasons behind the divorce. These points remain true, but just how should parents handle this one word question when telling their children about the divorce?
3 things to consider to form your answers
There are some essential factors to consider when telling your kids about the divorce – particularly your timing and phrasing. You may have your script and approach prepared, but you must also prepare yourself for how to answer your children’s questions. After all, it can be difficult to form a decent answer in this emotional and often stressful moment.
You can almost guarantee that your child will ask why you are divorcing. This is one question you can prepare for before you sit down with your family.
In this preparation, you should factor in:
- Your child’s age: Of course, you must take great care to ensure your explanation is age-appropriate. You already know this in your preparation for how to tell your children in the first place. Though, it is often easier said than done – especially with difficult topics like this. With your spouse, think about exactly how you will answer “Why?” in a way that will match your child’s emotional and mental maturity.
- Your child’s best interests: You may teach your child that telling the truth is important. However, it may not be the best strategy to share the entire truth about the divorce with your children. After all, if you put your child’s best interests first, they do not need to know the gritty details of why their parents’ marriage did not last.
- Child psychology: It is common among elementary age children for them to worry that they are at fault for something going wrong around them. Keep in mind that young children asking, “Why?” may in fact have that exact concern in mind.
The biggest challenge can often be making sure your explanations and answers are sincere. Children are smart and intuitive. So, while you may not wish to involve them in conflict between you and your spouse or the process of your divorce, you must ensure they understand why this is happening, how the family will move forward and that they are always loved.