Whether it was you or your spouse who asked for the divorce, it is natural to grieve the end of your marriage. This grief can appear in various ways and will be different for everyone.
It is not uncommon for individuals to experience denial, one of the stages of grief. How do you handle this stage, if you or your spouse experience it?
First, understand what to expect
In psychological terms, denial is a defense mechanism. It is a natural and common response to protect you from overwhelming emotions in your reality. The life-changing decision to divorce can lead to an incredible amount of stress – and stressful emotions.
While it is a common reaction, it can exacerbate conflict between spouses. This is often because denial can result in avoidance, with spouses refusing to:
- Acknowledge matters related to divorce
- Accept the reality that the marriage will end
- Even speak to their spouse about the matter
To avoid increasing conflict, it can help to be aware of the signs you or your spouse is going through this stage. Sometimes, it might just take time for individuals to process. In other cases, such as if denial lasts long enough to start delaying and hindering the divorce process, it might be beneficial to seek out professional mental health guidance.
Then, make a realistic plan
What exactly do you do if you recognize the signs of denial? Regardless of whether you notice them in yourself or your spouse, you can make a plan to work through this stage. It can help to:
- Start small: Tackle one item, one feeling at a time. It is not necessary to face everything all at once. You have time, as North Carolina requires couples to be separated for at least one year before pursuing a divorce. In some cases, the separation period could help individuals come to terms with the reality that the marriage is over.
- Seek support: Personal, emotional and legal support can help you feel more confident in facing reality. Even if you were the one who sought a divorce in the first place, you could still experience denial when losing this relationship you relied on. Finding support can be key in each step of the emotional process, as well as the divorce process overall.
Denial is not inherently bad. As mentioned above, the response is your brain’s way of protecting you. However, it can help to be aware of this response, so you can prevent it from impacting your mental health, as well as your future.