Whether it is an amicable divorce, or you would simply prefer to keep matters out of court, divorce mediation is an option you may consider to handle the process of ending your marriage. Mediation allows you to personalize your approach to divorce, but it does require a commitment, often involving several sessions to negotiate the details of your divorce.
As you approach each session, there are some critical things to remember.
1. Your privacy is protected
The confidentiality of mediation may be one of the reasons you chose this approach in the first place. It helps to keep this benefit top of mind as you go into each session.
That way, you have the freedom to move forward and negotiate with honesty and integrity. You can focus on resolving the issues that arise in your divorce without worrying that anything will become public.
Family matters are intensely personal. It can feel uncomfortable to involve a third party in these issues, but actively remembering that the sessions are confidential can help you overcome any mental and emotional blockades and allow you to discuss details freely.
2. The role of the mediator
The mediator is neutral. They will not – and should not – take sides. The mediator is present to:
- Facilitate negotiations between you and your spouse
- Consider and explain various perspectives, including that of a judge
- Ask clarifying questions, often to help manage conflict
Consider the description of the mediator’s role in North Carolina’s Custody Mediation and Visitation Program. While this is specific to the required child custody mediation for contested custody cases, the role of the mediator remains very similar regarding matters in your divorce.
3. No one “wins”
As you keep in mind the mediator’s role to mediate, not take sides, it is also critical to remember that this process is not about winning or losing. There is no winner in divorce, as we have discussed in previous blog posts. The same goes for divorce mediation. After all, the goal of a divorce is to end the marriage, separate the couples’ shared life and assets and reach a fair settlement when ending the marriage.
Keeping these things in mind can help inform how you approach each mediation session, as well as the overall process.